09 Nov A Full Week of Humans
This week was full. I haven’t worked such a full week in a while. It wasn’t just full of work and clients and group work. It was full of experience and emotion and thought and reflection. I was angry and sad and fascinated and annoyed and intrigued and content and irritated. It was full of others’ life experience. It was full of others’ drama and silly bullshit. I was frustrated that I was back in a job where I have to deal with such dysfunctional bullshit. And then another moment would occur when I was listening to a client describe their experience, their addiction, in a way I hadn’t heard before…in a way I hadn’t paid attention to before.
I learned about myself this week. I was myself this week. I was angry and excited and irritated and warmed. I gathered new information to my understanding of the world and of addiction. When I truly listen and get inside another’s experience I learn so much about the nature of life. While I reflect so much on my own life it always amazes me how others can have similar, yet very different experiences.
What I listen for are root-lines of human nature running down into the ground from their lives. I want to help clients extrapolate not only their lived experience, but the deeper existential truth that we can all learn from in their unique and personal experience.
So I learned this week. I struggled this week. I wanted to fucking scream this week. The week was full — full of experience and human. I realize that while I crave the deepest and fullest understanding of human nature, I also realize the draining and utter irritating experience it is to be so tangled up with other humans. Addiction group therapy provides that more than any other experiences I’ve had. I cannot escape myself and I cannot escape others. It’s fucking maddening. It’s a learning that is fast and deep and quick and alarming. It usually just makes me want to flee. But when I stay and tangle and show up, I am rewarded with the most real and authentic engagement one can have.
Human beings are complicated and downright frustrating. I love them and I hate them. I want them and I don’t want them. I hate what they show me about myself – fuckers.
So yea, this week was full. But good.