16 May All Over the Place
I am all over the place right now. But I feel some good things might be happening. I hesitate to write much because I am all over the place, changing my mind, figuring things out.
But tonight I am working on a fresh vision for a business/vocational plan that incorporates all my interests.
I took a long walk yesterday and although I was feeling so ready to bail on my private practice and return to selling my soul to someone else for financial stability, something in me was tugging, trying to communicate to me that it wasn’t time, that I shouldn’t stop just yet. It didn’t feel as though it was my idea. Maybe it was, but up to that point I wanted to find a new job to feel more secure and create a foundation for my family. But on this walk with myself I wanted to just listen and this was the faint voice I heard.
Then I spoke to someone today I went to grad school with, who I don’t really know that well but really enjoyed speaking with, and felt re-motivated to re-vision how I see myself as a therapist.
Then I decided I wanted to put more effort into my web design business, not only online, but also here in the town where I live.
Then I realized how much I like my freedom in self employment.
I spoke with a man yesterday who runs the contract I do some counselling for to see about any possible full time work he might have for me. Maybe I could use my design, marketing, and vision skills to help him build the business.
Then I realized later that evening, “Jason, why are you willing to work hard contributing your time to help someone else build their business but you won’t do that for your own business?” Ummmmmmm, I’m not sure. Am I afraid to sell myself? I don’t know. I hate networking and that’s basically the only thing I’m not doing to grow my referral base.
Speaking with my fellow graduate also helped me to realize the potential to make money or gain more exposure through some of the other ventures I’ve engaged in such as the Dasein Project, etc. And also, that there are other possibilities of ways to use my desire to help others with shifts in thinking, ways of seeing, and therapeutic relationship. Whether that’s through writing, or expanding my practice in ways I can’t even see right now.
So I’m sitting in a coffee shop at 10:30pm on this Wednesday night, writing a business plan which I’ve never done before. I need more structure, vision, and goals in my business. I think I need to find a business mentor to help keep me accountable and motivated. Or I need a team of people because trying to do this all myself has been too overwhelming at times and I just crumble into doing nothing, hoping and wishing to be rescued by a miracle.
But we will see. This might be different tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. Oh fucking well then, eh!?
I’m still excited at getting fresh and creative around doing work I enjoy and figuring out how to make people pay for it!!
NOTE: I’M NOT ON FACEBOOK RIGHT NOW SO YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME TO COMMENT THERE BUT I WON’T BE REPLYING THERE. PLEASE COMMENT HERE!! Thanks. I wasn’t yelling there, just talking a little louder than I might so you can hear me. : )