05 May I Can Only See That
My horizon slowly takes shape like a tetris structure.
I feel like I am coming out from being under a dark blanket.
I feel like I can breathe more freely.
I’m scared it will pass.
I’m scared I will settle back into a suffocating rut.
I want to create.
I dont want to help.
I don’t want to teach.
I want to design.
I can only see that.
I don’t know where I am going but I want to keep going.
What has kept me entrapped with others’ suffering?
What has kept me entrapped with dysfunctional people?
What has kept me trapped in theories and rational thought?
To eventually experience the freedom I’ve always wanted?
Is this just a result of weather turning nice?
Is this just another phase?
Will I just look like a fool to others?
Actually, I’m okay with looking like a fool, I don’t care anymore.
I’m on a path and if it continues to come back to similar places so be it.
I think I have gotten this far before and stopped because I couldn’t see any further.
I’m not stopping. I can’t stop. If I want to die of suffocation, then I should stop.
If I want to continue suffering in my life, I should hide under the dark blanket and ignore the settling tetris pieces.