29 Jul i’m really just an immature child
I was looking at an old man today at the pharmacy and I wondered if he worries about life or complains about what he has to do. I wondered if it was easier to live in his generation, where people just worked and didn’t think so much. I’m probably glamorizing “the good old days” because it’s obvious that people have struggled with existential anxiety and big questions since the beginning of time.
I tend to think that everyone else has it together. I tend to think most people are more mature than I am and that they actually feel like adults. I don’t feel like an adult most days. I’m always afraid I’m going to be found out that I’m really just an immature child. For the most part I am a pretty good actor I think. I seem to fool some people and other people are onto me. But I was looking at this old guy who seemed to look and feel like an adult, and I felt jealous.
What does it mean to be an adult these days anyway? Does my generation and younger generations know how to be an adult? To me there is a certain strength that comes with being adult that sometimes I have and feel, but most of the time I don’t. Maybe everyone feels this way, even that old man, we just all hide it, I don’t know. I do tend to think most everyone hides behind a false projection of self.
Work and money. These are areas where I feel, shall we say, less strong. Aren’t these two of the best indicators of one’s maturity? I then ask myself, “is maturity overrated?” And then I say back to myself, “that’s just what immature people say.” At some point I have to live an adult life, I’m just wondering when that’s going to commence.