24 Jun Longing for the Sea
George Gray (by Edgar Lee Masters)
I have studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me —
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire —
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.
That last sentence really hit home for me. Metaphorically, I am constantly longing for the sea and yet afraid. The problem is I do not know exactly what the “sea” is or what I am afraid of. I think that the “sea” is adventure, or some sort of expansive frontier that requires faith and trust. I am afraid to trust. I am afraid to trust in the expansive sea of my destiny. Oh, but how I want to. I want to throw up that sail and let it ride.