19 May Rushing Forward
My kids and I went to the park this morning and had a wonderful relaxing time in the sun. Jamison rode her bike and Finlay rode this little Radio Flyer thing with no pedals that we call his “motorcycle.” He loves it. But it really is too small. When he sits on it and pushes with his feet he can barely pull his feet back forward. We bought him this really cool bike a month or so ago that has no pedals and is supposed to help with balance way more than training wheels. I keep wanting him to use that more. He does sometimes but then gets frustrated and wants his motorcycle back.
While we were walking back home from the park and I was watching Finlay ride this thing that is too small for him I felt that desire for him to be riding the other bike, to be able to enjoy something that would fit him better and allow him to move faster and more freely. Man, why can’t he just use that other bike? Then it hit me. Who cares? Why does it matter? What’s the rush? Why do I need him to ride something else other than what he absolutely loves? Because I’m rushing him.
I can see sometimes the ways in which I want my kids, my self, my wife, and my clients to be somewhere other than where they are. I want people to feel freedom, to grow, and to feel better. Why? Because I hate feeling stuck in suffering. But this does not help myself, my family, or my clients. Sometimes we need to trudge through the last stages of growth before entering the clearing. Rushing a child into the next developmental stage or rushing them a bit, can really impact their own ability to “get a feel for it.” My children need to get a feel for life as they are living it in the moment. So do I. So do my clients.
I need to take this reminder very seriously. It is also freeing to not feel so much pressure to rush my clients out of struggle and difficulty. I don’t know what they might learn from pushing onward through it. It is also freeing to not feel like it is up to me to help my kids move forward, that they will automatically do this on their own. I need to be there, watching, protecting, setting the limits, while they move freely about exploring their world and abilities. I need to allow myself to be where I am as well, learning. I always want to rush forward to the clearing, to where it’s easy, where I feel better, to some future place. How the hell am I going to learn how to live my life now if I’m always waiting for some future nirvana?