21 Aug Writing as Narrowing
One thing about writing I’m coming to realize is that it is something to control. When so many things are up in the air for me, and when I feel the most confused about life in general, sitting down to write words feels comforting. As well, I am trying not to write too much about life and psychology and spirituality right now. All that tends to confuse me because in my uncertainty I attempt to nail down insight and understanding. But it doesn’t happen. Then I get discouraged, depressed, and lonely.
So instead, I’m writing about the past, or about what I’m doing right now. Things that are accessible, knowable to some extent. It feels grounding to write. All I have to do is write words. It is a process I can control. It is therapeutic. It is productive. When the world and life decisions seem paralyzing and uncertain, writing brings peace.
I have found that the more uncertain I feel the more anxious I get trying to figure it out. Obviously I’m looking for something to soothe me, to rescue me, or give me something to look forward to. But what I’ve realized is the more I look broadly at the worlds’ biggest questions, the worse I feel. I become more lost in a sea I could not ever fully know. So right now, when things feel less certain I am going to focus on swimming around, describing what I see instead of the attempt at nautical breadth and certainty. Narrowing what is in my sights feels right. Calming. I don’t have to know more; or even see more. It certainly doesn’t mean the emptiness in my chest goes away but I don’t have to scramble around.
I just have to write. Words.